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 Post subject: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 6:23 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am
Posts: 918
I'm not sure how to write this. So please forgive me if I don't make sense, because nothing makes any sense right now. Sunday night Jake went into status, they stabilized him and it looked hopeful, but late Monday he started having seizure tremors. They did everything they could for three hours with mega doses of meds, but nothing helped. His brain function went to almost nothing so we had to let him go.
We are absolutely shattered. But the thing is, he was thinking of us right up until the end. He didn't want to give us any other choice, or leave us with "what if's", there was no other choice.
I'm not sure who I am right now, because I've been Gentle Jacob's Mom since we rescued him, but especially since he started seizing. Everyone always gives me the credit, and I wear that very proudly, but it was my husband that he ran to the night we rescued him. It was my husband that he saw as his one chance and he ran right into his arms. I was just so lucky to have been the partner in this.
I want to thank so many of you for your support over the last 12 years. Even before I posted for the first time I was reading and getting support. Vivian, you were the first that gave me hope. Brian, Rich, Trevor, Colleen, and so many more, you've carried me through it all. I can't find the right words to thank you for everything you've done to make me get up and fight for Jake.
It would be so easy to stay in hell now, but if there's one thing I learned from Jake it's to stand up and fight back and not let it take you down when you're faced with the worst possible circumstance. I may not be able to do it for awhile, because everything I did he was close by so there is no escape for now. But I am going to do it for him. It's what I can do to honor him.
I don't know if or when I'll be back but I will try.
Vivian and Trevor, I tried to contact through CEN but for some reason my messages got hung up and weren't sent.

I'll think of all of you every day.
I hope they find a cure for this despicable heartless disease.
Lynne


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 4:00 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:48 am
Posts: 1707
Location: Michigan
Lynne,

I came to this page this morning having 'a feeling', I don't know where those feelings come from that we get sometimes.

I am so incredibly sorry to hear of your loss. We all know what you're going thru and how this feels. I think when we have 'special' pets it hurts more because we've tried to find something to save them and couldn't, so the pain of losing them is more intense. You went above and beyond, which allowed your Jake to live a long time with this damned monster. I know from experience that going above and beyond doesn't mean much when they're gone. How I wish Jake would have passed from old age rather than those stinking seizures...

Sleep softly sweet Jake, watch over your mom now because not having you will be very hard for her.

All my sympathies, Vivian

_________________
Nathan
3.5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 7/26/2013
Last seizure 3/24/2014
__________________________________
MK
5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 1/25/06
Last seizure 9/4/2009

Aug 17, 2004- Sept. 22, 2009
May the shamrocks fall softly sweetpea


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 4:29 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:25 am
Posts: 204
Location: South Australia
Dear Lynne,

I am so saddened to hear of your loss of Jake.

Take heart and know that YOU and your husband were wonderful parents to Jake. I wish I could give so much to Spencer.

Also, your wisdom and encouraging counsel to us remains invaluable.

May you be blessed with comfort and great returns of even a portion of what you have given to Jake.
My prayers continue for you and you husband.

Sincerely,
Trevor.

(I have tried to send a private message but it also appears to have failed - keep an eye out for it)


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 3:46 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 5
Only just joined this site, and read your post this morning, how incredibly brave you are to write just an elequient post at a time of such sadness.
Your fur baby would be proud of you both, remember the pain never goes away but, we learn to live with it x


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Sun Aug 06, 2017 11:12 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 7:39 pm
Posts: 21
I am so sorry to hear about Jake. I'm sending you warm and positive thoughts. I have read so many of your posts and they were so helpful and encouraging. Please know that your sharing about Jake was a light in our lives when we needed it most.

_________________
Kaiser & KMarg
Kaiser is a Ger. Shep./Border Collie mix
Born Nov/Dec 2011
First seizure July 1, 2013
Last Seizure July 26, 2017
PhenoBar, 1 grain, 2x daily
Keppra, 750 mg, 2x daily
KBro, 750 mg, 2x daily
CBD/thc only since July 8, 2017


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Thu Aug 10, 2017 6:34 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am
Posts: 918
To everyone who posted here, and everyone who contacted me personally, I can’t thank you enough for your support. The last couple of weeks have been horrible, but you carried me once again. I miss Jake so much at times I can’t breathe, but then I remind myself of how incredibly lucky we were to have him in our lives for so long despite this vile disease. And I do find comfort knowing he doesn’t have to fight this anymore.
I’ve met a lot of wonderful people in my life who have taught me many amazing lessons. Little did I know that one of my greatest teachers would have four legs and one of the most stubborn personalities I have ever encountered. He was my buddy, my companion and I feel sometimes like I’m literally learning how to walk again without him.
It may be awhile before I come back to post again, but I will tell you this, I am not done with this disease. I’m not sure in what capacity I will fight against it, but I’m not finished. It took my dearest friend from me and I have to do something to honor him.
I’m posting a photo that CEN friends Brian and Natalie had done for us by their daughter. Those eyes say everything don’t they?

I think of all of you everyday.
Don’t give up. That’s exactly what this horrible disease wants.
My sincere and heartfelt thanks to all of you,
Lynne
http://i1266.photobucket.com/albums/jj5 ... z.jpg.html


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 8:11 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:42 pm
Posts: 806
Location: Oklahoma
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Colleen, Rylie, Sophie & angels Izzie & Shiloh
DOB: 11/11/05
First seizure: 07/28//10
Last seizure: 06/27/16


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2017 10:56 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2016 11:46 pm
Posts: 60
Lynne,

Sorry it's been a while that you've written this. I didn't see this until now (I had taken some time away due to circumstances). You have to know the blessing you and your family are to Jake and him to you. I say that in the present because love's gifts never end, they keep on giving. I know through every episode, trial, med changes, etc, his other rough times and his good times, you and your family never stopped loving him and Jake never stopped loving you all. From Jake to you and your family to him, that love remains and it always will. They have such incredible will to live, and the love carries them through too. And as you process your grief and experiences with Jake, the fun, loving memories outshine the bad ones.

It will take you a while to heal, to decompress, process through your grief...and it'll feel like a nauseating roller coaster ride for a while. Grief is one of the hardest to reconcile. Be kind to yourself. Please know also that even while you were going through stuff with your Jake, you were also strong to be of help to others. Some of us are not that strong, but see the bittersweet inspiration...the power of love can even help us through the terrible grief from losing ones we love. No one makes it in the world alone. Thank you for sharing everything, you're an incredible person.

I wish there was something I could say to comfort you in you and your family's time of loss....it's never easy having to let go, especially when you have no choice. Please know that status seizures are the most life threatening because they linger, persist and they are not always responsive to medicines, and it is usually indicative (or so I have been told) of something underlying disease that has no cure.

May your hearts become lighter, and heal from your grief, and so remember the lessons, the compassion the love... for those are the best of us despite any illness, disease or disorder. Illnesses/diseases may take the ones we love, but they NEVER take 'the best and the rest of us."


Please take care of yourself and know you're in my thoughts.

Warmest regards,
Light, Buttercup (an angel since July 11, 2017) and family.


Last edited by Lovelight on Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:49 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 1:58 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am
Posts: 918
So, it's been a very long two months. Two of the worst I've had in many years. What made it even more heartbreaking was our Samoyed Husky went into a deep depression and we weren't sure if she was going to get through it. We worked closely with our vet, but nothing seemed to help. She would lay around and cry, and then frantically start looking for Jake. She had no interest in dogs or playing and I even had to remind her to go outside. It got to the point where she was physically not doing well. She's 11 so we took this very seriously. Then last week on our walk she met a dog that lives down our road and I saw a spark. Ever since then she's been getting better. We have a play date next week. We're doing okay, but we're still missing Jake like crazy. But the posts here, emails, and support we've gotten have meant so much.
I think of all of you every day. I've wanted to post, but until today I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. I know Jake is in a better place, and he doesn't have to fight this horrible disease anymore, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of it and my new normal. As I said, I'm definitely not done with this disease. It may have knocked me down, but I'm not out.
I'll be back when I can.
I wish all of you the very best. And I pray every day that a breakthrough will happen that will help all of you very soon.
Thank you for everything.
Take Care,
Lynne


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:27 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2016 11:46 pm
Posts: 60
Lynne,

I just wanted to clarify something I wrote. When I wrote of something underlying in Jake, I meant perhaps a disease so well hidden in the absence of other symptoms or indications, that it had nothing identifiable to treat other than what had been treated already. There was no way for you or his doctors to know whether he had anything more than idiopathic epilepsy, no way for you to know where he was headed, and that there is no way to prevent or predict status epilepticus or that it would come for Jake.... You and his doctors did everything you could at any point in his life. He had the best quality of life and lot of love because he had YOU and your family to love and care for him. I pray you can find some peace in your heart, while still continuing in your journey. Know you make a positive difference here, even though you are hurting and healing inside. It takes time, patience, and love to get through.

Be kind to yourself, Lynne, you're truly a marvel and inspiration. How did the play date go for Husky girl? Is she doing better??

warmest regards,
Light


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 Post subject: Re: Gentle Giant
PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2017 2:33 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am
Posts: 918
Light,

No need to worry. Jake may have had a blood clot that broke lose during the seizure and that may have caused status. There's no way to know for sure. A few years ago he went through a horrible time and they thought he either had a brain tumor, a minor stroke, or tiny blood clots had broken lose in his head. We couldn't afford an MRI so it was the wait and see thing. The longest three months we'd had until recently. We knew he would never recover from a brain tumor and given how well he recovered the chance that it was a stroke was slim. So it's very possible they developed again and we just didn't know.
Chaco's doing better but still misses him like crazy as we do.
Every day I go back and forth between being so grateful for having him in our lives, and missing him so very much. We've started looking for another dog, but it's going to take time. As with all of our dogs we'll know when we see the right one.
Thank you for the very kind words. The people here and their dogs have meant and mean the world to me. I really do pray that there's a breakthrough so that no one has to go through what we went through the night we lost Jake.

You're all in my thoughts. Stay strong and fight this beast.
Lynne


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