My Gentle, Beloved Trinity is Gone--Words of Hope

[Chris]

My gentle, beloved Trinity is gone. We made the painful decision to end her suffering on Friday morning, March 19, 2010. In the end, it was pancreatitis and not seizures.

I'd like to offer some thoughts as I look back. Trinity had her first seizures in February, 2009. I learned much from this website and posted at times. We struggled the first year to get her seizures under control. PB and KBR were very, very slow to work. Her MRI and spinal tap at the University of Wisconsin Vet-Med Teaching Hospital revealed no causes other than ideopathic epilepsy. It seemed as though nothing was helping. We were as dedicated as possible to her care and did any and everything that the neurologists suggested. At times, there was little to be hopeful about.

Gradually, things improved. Trinity's last grand mal was April 19, 2009 (we almost made it a year ) She had one additional episode of small, partial seizures over Thanksgiving. We noticed the warning signs and were able to stop the progression. It was as if suddenly the medication was doing it's job.

There is a chance that Trinity's pancreatitis was related to the KBR. However, the doctors did not think so. We'll never know for certain.

And although I write this through tears, I wanted to pass along a note of hope to those just entering the fight with the monster of epilepsy---don't give up, give the medicine a chance to work and keep doing all the things that your dog needs. It can get better. We spent time, effort and yes, money, to give Trinity the care she needed. I don't believe pets are disposble. I believe we sign on to take care of them and do what's best for them even if it's painful for us. If you're journeying through epilepsy, continue the fight because it can get better and your dog can have a good quality of life.

[MK's mom]

I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful babe.

Pancreatitis IS associated with KBr, as is MegaE. WHY the vets continue to say it isn't, doesn't help anyone. Maybe they're afraid dog owners will go after them for administering a drug with side effects, don't know. My boy developed aspiration pneumonia and I lost him, so I know what you're feeling. I believe it had something to do with the bromide, but I don't know for sure.

Making it nearly a year is remarkable, it's so sad that something else got Trinity and not the seizures, same with my MK. We feel like we're fighting a battle that we cannot win, but we continue to learn and try everything we hear about because that one little thing might be the magic bullet that helps our kid. It's so unfair, I definitely feel your pain. Just when you think you're on the right track, something comes out of left field knocking us for a loop.

As we say in the Irish Setter world; May the shamrocks fall softly on your sweet Trinity. I hope she and my MK have met in the beautiful place that I pray they are along with the other pups from this list that went on before them.

My sincerest sympathies,

Vivian

[Mandypop]

So sorry for your loss.

It's very sad to hear that another epi pup has left this world. You did everything possible for Trinity, remember your happy memories together.

Thinking of you.
Mandy

[Chris]

Thanks for your kind words.

I re-reading my post---Trin's first seizures were in February 2008, not 2009 like I wrote. We struggled the first year and had a very good 2009.

I do have wonderful memories and wouldn't change a thing. People either "got it" or they didn't. Fortunately, we were in a position to be able to afford some treatment. But we are not wealthy and it meant sacrificing other things.

After gaining as much information as I could, I moved away from chat rooms. It seemed like just when I got brave enough to post that she was improving, she would seizure. I know one thing had nothing to do with the other, but it sure seemed like it. It was just one of the many little rituals that I moved into.
I remember reading people's posts about going weeks between seizures and I was hoping to achieve that, never thinking it possible. I want to have Trinity's legacy to be that someone new to fighting the battle may read this and take hope that things can improve. I hope to be able to return here now and then and contribute what we learned. At the time, it was just too raw. Even if I didn't post, I read, read and read more and appreciated people's insight and encouragement. It taught me to be proactive in Trinity's treatment and what things to insist on even if not all the doctor's agreed.

Nothing will erase how she lives on in our hearts. We've brought home a new addition already. She's a beagle rescue. She doesn't replace Trinity, but helps ease the pain. Trinity came to us only days after losing the dog that came before her: She needed a home and we needed a dog. It doesn't get any more simple than that.

[Astrid]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Gentle Jacob's mom]

I'm so sorry that you lost your girl. This disease is heartless, but the people fighting so hard everyday for their dogs have hearts of gold and strength like I've never seen before. Like you, I've learned so much from the wonderful people here. I'm convinced that everyone of our dogs know how hard we fight for them, and that makes them fight too. I know Trinity knows that she wound up with just the right owners.
I wish you peace.

Linda

Gentle Jacob
First Seizure 10/04/2006
Last seizure 03/15/10

[DoggieLove]

Just know that Trinity looking down on you from the Rainbow Bridge! I am so very sorry for your loss and wish the best!

[Apache]

Chris,

So sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved, Trinity. Take solace in the fact that you did everything for Trinity, and gave her a loving home! Cherish the memories, as I'm sure you will. No one dog can ever be replaced, that is for certain.

Your words of encouragement and hope are inspirational. I hope newcomers to this site take the time to read what you wrote.

I welcome the new addition to your family, by the way. What did you name her?

Brian

[Chris]

As with all grieving, gradually the happy memories overtake the bad ones. It just takes so darn long!
I still struggle with NOT having to adhere to Trinity's schedule for meds, walking, etc. I'm really tuned into those times and it's hard to break the old habits. Especially at those times, the loss feels like a physical ache.

The beagle is Maisey. We've just finished going through a heat cycle. I can live without having to do that again...only I can pick a dog that goes into heat in the four weeks between when we got her and the time her spay was scheduled for! After learning alot about canine epilepsy and then pancreatitis, I had no choice but to learn about a female in heat. We start puppy kindergarten (a special session for older dogs) this week.

Thanks for asking.

[Gentle Jacob's mom]

I'm sorry that you're still feeling such a loss. I do want to say that I think it's amazing that you and other epi dog owners that have lost their dogs to this horrible disease still come here to guide the rest of us through all of this. I only hope I can do the same. How can we ever thank you enough?

[MK's mom]

I know how you feel. I lost my most beautiful MK last September and not a day goes by that my heart doesn't feel like it will stop because I miss him so. It wasn't supposed to be like this and I tried everything to give him a good life and beat that damned monster epilepsy. It wasn't even the seizures that took him, we believe it was the KBr that caused an esophogeal issue that allowed him to aspirate into his lungs. Just when we think we have control, something out of left field arises and catches us blind-sided.

I feel your pain, I really do.

Vivian

[Chris]

I'm glad the words are offering hope for those just starting the battle or still waging the battle with epilepsy.

It's actually a little easier to write now than it was then. Like I said in an earlier post, it would seem that every time I was ready to post to say she was doing better, she would seizure. So, I stopped even thinking about it. I had a love/hate relationship with the internet. I valued all I learned, but sometimes it's hard to sort out the good information from the bad.

I don't think I would do anything differently. Trinity's epilepsy came on with a vengence. She clustered almost from the beginning. We had to use medications at the levels we did to control the seizures. Everything we did revolved around her needs and her schedule. I didn't always take my medication regularly, but she darn sure got hers!

[Parkersheart]

Hi,
So sorry about your lost, I just lost my Parker last week. I don't think I've ever loved anyone so unconditionally.
I hope you continue to post.
Sincere Regards,
D