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The end.

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:11 pm
by beaglemum
Very sadly we had to say good bye to Saxon on Sunday afternoon. I am posting here because we did have his seizures mostly under control and he did have a reasonable quality of life up until the end. His epilepsy story was a success - even if it wasn't cured or eliminated.

The sad bit:
He had mild/absent seizures the preceding weekend, but instead of coming good through the week, he developed generalised overall weakness (on Wed, when we revisited the vet to have bloods taken and just to get him checked out, he was still walking, albeit unsteadily, but we are used to axtaxia being worse after a seizure period, his bloods showed liver enzymes higher than a month ago and we booked him in for a neuro visit to assess his meds - with the view of lowering his phenomav and upping the zonisamide to counteract it.)

It looked like his liver had just stopped handling the phenomav and he was feeling the full sedation/ataxia side effects similiar to when on a loading dose. The vet assessed him mid week, took bloods, etc

He gradually got weaker, so that by Saturday night/Sunday morning he couldn't stand and would only drink/eat sparingly lying down. I took him to the emergency vet, more to ensure he was hydrated and after some diagnostics, etc, it turned out he had aspirated pneumonia (could occur during a seizure, but he took nearly a week to develop this illness after his last seizure, so...) Anyway, vets were treating him, but then he began to show signs of anemia, they gave him blood and undertook further ultra sounds and he had a liver tumor.

Taking a big chunck of the liver out, while being treated for pneumonia, and the remaining liver would still have to process the phenomav, meant his prognosis was very poor and we made the decision to let him go and eliminate any suffering.

Of course, now I am second guessing, which is a pointless exercise, as he is gone. Those raised liver enzymes were attributed to the phenomav over the recent years. And perhaps if we hadn't made that assumption and conducted an ultrasound earlier, we could have found the tumour and done something about it before it got so big. Although it couldn't be felt by the vets palpitating his organs - I don't blame them for the diagnosis, it is all just very bad luck. If we hadn't missed the tumour, perhaps he would have recovered from the pneumonia - he had a good chance of fighting that, and we would have had a few more years together. Or perhaps it was all meant to be and by happening the way it has, it has given Saxon a peaceful end - I was with him and he was aware I was there and enjoyed my cuddles.

I am sure he is now free and running carefree, no more dragging feet and worn down nails, able to keep up with the other dogs and chew his bones without getting a tummy ache.

I miss my boy, he was always under my feet, my constant companion, often frustratingly, in my way, everytime I turned around, particularly when I was in the kitchen. We learned to always look before we stepped and to step around and over our dozing beagle who was happiest when he was closest, frequently touching with paw or nose while he slept. Our routine was built around him, particularly for the last six years with his epilepsy. Giving the meds regularly, making sure we are home in time, or don't go out until after they are given. Rarely taking holidays, because who do you trust with your epi-pup?

Sorry to go on, but the pain is fresh and to all who have suffered this loss, I am sure you understand. To all you are still on this journey, try not to let this disease get you down too much, and give your pups a hug on my behalf.

I wish you all success.


Re: The end.

Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:33 pm
by SpencerBhumi
Dear Roxanne (and family),

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

You have no reason to second guess or query anything done or not done for Saxon. Your care for Saxon everyday is a testament to your love and concern for his welfare.

Time will heal your hurts and loneliness: then you will be able to look back and remember all of those great moments with Saxon with fondness instead of sadness.

Thank you for your support and sharing your experiences (to me and to all other CEN members here). Your advice & experiences have helped me to better care for Spencer and to cope with just managing this disease.

My thoughts are with you.

Trevor & Spencer.

Re: The end.

Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 7:45 am
by Gentle Jacob's mom
Hi Roxanne,
I'm so so sorry to hear about Saxon. I think our epi dogs are so special and the bond we have with them is on a very different level than the ones we have with our other fur kids. You did an amazing job with him. Six years is a long time and the only reason he was as happy as he was is because of you. You gave him everything you could and more, and I know he knew it.
I hope that time will help you heal, and that you know that Saxon came to you because you're a very loving mom.
Please take care.

Re: The end.

Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 11:59 am
by MK's mom
I am so sorry for your loss.

My MK had a similar thing happen to him..twice. He would have a cluster of seizures, seem very lethargic for a couple of weeks then develop the pneumonia. The first time we saved him, the second time he had a very high temperature, which broke down his clotting mechanism and he bled out, so I made the decision to let him go. Like you, I am second guessing my decision these 5.5 years since he left me, it's so hard when we have made it our mission to help them thru the epilepsy only to have something totally out of left field come along. It also makes it hard to take because their lives were hard and so unfair, none of them deserve illness and medications shoved down their throats every day.

Please be gentle with yourself at this time.

Sleep softly Saxon and run free.


Re: The end.

Posted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 2:35 pm
by ShilohsMom

I am so sorry for your loss and know the pain you must be feeling. We never have enough time with our babies. They give us so much and ask so little of us. Please don't second guess yourself, we make the best decision we can with the information we have at the time. I find that it's usually the right decision as well, no matter how difficult it is. I commend you for being unselfish and doing what was best for Saxon.

My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.

Re: The end.

Posted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 2:16 am
by beaglemum
Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts. They do make a difference and I find these responses comforting.

The support on this forum is wonderful and non-judgmental.

I wish you all the best with your epi-pups. May the seizures be few and far between.