My story ... so far

Share your story, questions, concerns.

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Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:38 pm

Hi

thank you everyone for your thoughtful words of support ... I messaged The Wally Foundation on FB and they sent me their address to donate the left over meds.

even if I had found a way to get Molly to emergency care they woulda only had an hour before the time she passed here at home .. I find some comfort in feeling that it wouldn't of matter either way ... it was her time thanks to this horrid disease and Pb ... she was an every 2 week seizure dog and passed only a couple hours shy of it being 2 weeks exactly since her last seizure as well ...

Chris
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

Kipsmom
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:59 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Kipsmom » Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:59 pm

Hi Chris -

I very rarely check this board anymore, and I logged in today to see this sad news. I am SO sorry for your loss. What helped me, and I hope will help you, is knowing that you did everything you possibly could to help Molly. This disease is so so unpredictable, an despite all of our efforts, sometimes it just doesn't work. I miss Kip everyday, as you will Molly...but know that Kip was there to meet her, and they are seizure-free and running like crazy happy pups in doggie heaven. Molly knows you loved her. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that with her, but you stuck by her every step of the way. My thoughts are with you, my friend. Hugs!!!
Ellen and Kip
Corgi/Lab/Shepherd mix - 50 lb
750 mg KBr QD
200 mg Zonisamide BID
1250 mg Levetiracetam (Keppra) TID
1st seizure 11/15/2012
In doggie heaven 8/20/13 :-(

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:02 am

Hi Ellen,

yes, I tired ... my only regret was for as hard as I tried to stay offa the Pb road I shoulda tried a lil' harder ... and if I hadn't put her on Pb then 10 days later she wouldn't had died ... then as crazy as it sounds I stop and realize that maybe this is for the best no matter how much I miss her she will never suffer seizure upon seizure upon seizure again

yup, when you lost Kip I told you my last bud who passed away would be there at the rainbow bridge to meet Kip ... looks like there's 3 now to run and play ...

and I know no matter how heart sick I am that given time the right dog will come along again and I'll have a new lil' bud dog ...

you wrote me a post once telling me how much you spent, all the great lengths you went to, and how in the end all you can do sometime's is to do the best you can, love your lil' dog, and try to keep you sanity cause sometime's that's in short supply ... I want you to know that I did a copy/paste, posted it on the cupboard door right above the counter where I had all the med's an stuff cause there were day's the only thing that saw me thru the day was your words ... for that and your friendship I give you the utmost thanks ... (((huggs)))

Chris
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

Kipsmom
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:59 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Kipsmom » Sun Dec 29, 2013 6:09 pm

Hi Chris -

Yes, I do remember you telling me that Boots would be there with Kip, and now Molly. I looked at Kip's picture yesterday, and I said "You take good care of Molly, Kippy!" You were SO kind to me when Kip died, and I will always remember you for that - thank you!!

I totally understand your "crazy" thoughts that this was for the best since there will be no more seizures. I have three adults I know that have seizures, and they all have said that even though they don't know they are having a seizure, the after-effects are not good. Bad headache, body aching like they've been run over by a truck, days of fogginess until they get back to normal... I kept thinking about that after Kip was gone, and realized that he would never have to suffer that anymore. It's true that no matter how much time and money you're willing to spend to fight it, sometimes this damn disease just doesn't respond. You did SO much for Molly, sacrificing things for yourself in her regard - she couldn't have asked for a better parent!! It's OK to be relieved for her, and it's OK to be relieved for you too.

That stupid phenobarb - it makes them so hungry. Potassium bromide does too. Kip definitely developed pica - he would eat rocks and sticks and lots and lots of dirt - LOL. He had really strong jaws and teeth so he could grind up the rocks into small pieces, but it's a wonder he didn't have a blockage. We yanked stuff out of his mouth every chance we got, but he had access to the yard while we were gone to work, so there wasn't much we could do. It made me so sad that the medicines turned him into such a different dog - we never did get our old guy back...well, maybe for a day or two at a time, but that always meant a seizure was a-comin'. I know you tried hard to keep Molly off the phenobarb, but you really didn't have much choice. I read back over the last month or so, and saw what she was going through. You did the right thing, putting her on pheno when you did. It was the right thing to do - you had to give her a fighting chance against the seizures. Don't second-guess that!

You hang in there - it will be difficult for awhile, but just go ahead and cry, because you just have to. One day you'll realize you made it all day without crying, and then you'll be on beginning of the road to feeling better. It was a good three weeks before I didn't cry every day! Just take it a day at a time. Molly gave it a good fight, and you helped her every day, and now she won't suffer ever again. I hate this disease, and I hope that one day they will find a way to control it for our refractory dogs. We did our best. You hang in there, Chris.
Ellen and Kip
Corgi/Lab/Shepherd mix - 50 lb
750 mg KBr QD
200 mg Zonisamide BID
1250 mg Levetiracetam (Keppra) TID
1st seizure 11/15/2012
In doggie heaven 8/20/13 :-(

MK's mom
Posts: 1708
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:48 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My story ... so far

Post by MK's mom » Sun Dec 29, 2013 6:44 pm

Chris,

We're usually between a rock and a hard place with the seizures and the side effects from the meds. I'm not a vet, but if I had to take a guess your Molly ate a rock and tore up her stomach trying to pass it. Yes, she was hungry from the Pb, but the Pb didn't kill her, the rock did. Had you not put her on Pb I believe she may have passed away from all of the seizures she was having, so yes, it seems no matter how hard we try something comes out of left field and takes us by surprise.

Someone on this board years ago said that trying to beat epilepsy is like trying to outrun a bullet...you stay ahead of it for awhile, but the bullet will get them eventually.

Be gentle with yourself at this time,

Vivian
Nathan
3.5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 7/26/2013
Last seizure 3/24/2014
__________________________________
MK
5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 1/25/06
Last seizure 9/4/2009

Aug 17, 2004- Sept. 22, 2009
May the shamrocks fall softly sweetpea

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:34 am

Hi Ellen,

I'll be ok ... just gonna take time ... I've walked and walked the yard which the fenced in part is only about 24' by 24' and there isn't anything there but dirt, wet soggy dead grass and round washed river rocks, so guess it had something to do with the rocks even if there aren't any with sharp edge's or jagged edge's on them ...

had to try and make sense of it all but it's hard ... it's not like she did anything to indicate that she was eating anything strange until the day it all happened ... 10 days and not even acting like anything unusual was going on other than hyper instead of lathargic ... no hungrier than usual, not interested in food more than normal, not chewing on anything, no warning at all and I watched her like a hawk for all the typical symptom's ... but she didn't have em ...

then got lax thinking everything was gonna be ok ... and wham, right out of left field she's puking up rocks and they weren't large even, some only as big as a sweet pea ... but when that happened I just thought, "oh good, you threw em up, I'm gonna have to keep a better eye on you", gave her her meds and went to work thinking "boy, your gonna be hungry by the time I get home and give you dinner' ... but by the time I got home from work it was tooooo late to do anything to help her ... so I feel like I let her down since she couldn't help herself and I wasn't there for her when she need me most ...

so you can imagine how absolutely shocked I was when I got home to find her in the condition she was in ... totally unresponsive to anything and bleeding ... guess it's the bleeding part I don't get ... a blockage of rocks maybe, but why all the blood if there's nothing out there but river washed rock's that can't even scratch the skin on my arm ...

oh well, craazy thoughts ... I'll just have to accept "that it is what it is" even if I can't understand or make sense of it ... why this happened except to say if she hadn't been on Pb then she wouldn't have eaten the rocks, dirt, and soggy grass ...

as for second guessing giving her a fighting chance I have thought well, why didn't you try upping the keppra, by itself 1st before adding pb ... but I also know from reading here that keppra's chance's of doing any good by itself, not even counting the "honeymoon period" issue of keppra is slim to null ... so no matter what pb would of been adding at some point anyway ...

everything happen's for a reason right ... even if I don't know what that is ... I haven't looked yet for another bud but well at some point, ... when I lost Boots to health issues of old age being 15 + yrs old and found Molly 3 weeks later I thought then "oh, I ended up with this lil' deaf dog (not even knowing she was deaf when I took her home) for a reason ... that explain's why it was Boots time to leave me" .... so who know's maybe there is something coming around the next bend in the road of life for me and whoever is going to be my next lil' bud-dog ...

Thanks Ellen,

Chris
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:52 am

Hi Vivian,

yup ... a rock and hard spot ... several rocks actually, and I have em on the counter next to where I used to have her meds in the kitchen ... they are now all boxed up and ready for the fed ex tomorrow to send to the wally foundation ...

tore up her stomach makes sense since the blood was dark in color and not bright red like next to the end ... so it must of been damage way up inside her like the stomach ...

I knew that eventually ... but I guess I wasn't ready for sooo soon ... thought we'd have years yet ... and yes, I suspect that the seizure's would of got her toooo ... and then I'd of been feeling guilty that I hadn't been able to get better control of them ... think I was raised to guilt myself and that's something I fight all the time ... tough on the outside and guilting myself on the inside ...

pitty the poor dog that come's along next cause I'll probably be soooo overly protective to make up for what happened this time ... lol

Thanks Vivian,
Chris
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

MK's mom
Posts: 1708
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:48 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My story ... so far

Post by MK's mom » Mon Dec 30, 2013 5:19 am

Chris,

I have been where you are now. My MK didn't pass away from the seizures, he developed what they told me was aspiration pneumonia and to this day I don't believe that's what it was. He had this two years in a row and it started out the same. He'd have a cluster of seizures then for several weeks act like he was totally stoned. I'd have his levels checked and they were always normal, then he'd develop the pneumonia. The first time I saved him, the second time I came home from work and he was so bad I could barely get him into the car to get him to the emergency vet. His temp was 107 degrees, the vet said aspiration pneumonia doesn't bring a temperature with it, so it had to be something else and the vets just assumed. They tried to get his temp down, but he developed DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulation) which means he bled out and I had to make the decision to put him to sleep. That was four years and three months ago and I still can't talk or think about him without the tears coming.

This damned epilepsy and the rotten meds the poor dogs have to be on is a curse. How I wish the researchers and the vets could find SOMETHING so they knew what triggers this monster and they can cure it. I'm on my second epi dog, I never thought in my life that I'd be going thru this again, so I understand exactly how you feel. It's not going to be easy coming to terms with what happened to Molly, I can't even advise you as to how you can make yourself feel better, I guess we just have to go thru the motions and allow ourselves to grieve.

Vivian
Nathan
3.5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 7/26/2013
Last seizure 3/24/2014
__________________________________
MK
5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 1/25/06
Last seizure 9/4/2009

Aug 17, 2004- Sept. 22, 2009
May the shamrocks fall softly sweetpea

Gentle Jacob's mom
Posts: 925
Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Gentle Jacob's mom » Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:05 am

Hi Chris,
I think that wondering "what if" or "why" is something we all do when we lose a companion. (animal or human) We want answers, and it seems impossible to think past that. It's going to be like this for you for awhile. You did everything you could for Molly. If everyone here knows that, I know for a fact Molly knows that. As far as her eating something? You could have been standing right over her and not realized what she'd done. Each time we went though it with Jake we had no clue what he'd eaten, or how he could've possibly eaten something. The problem is, the pica could also have been caused by the clusters, or there may have been another seizure coming on. Jake's appetite always gets worse before a seizure, and when he clustered, for a few days we had to watch him like a hawk. He was pretty sneaky. Please don't beat yourself up over this. This disease and how much I hate it... there isn't a word for it. I told our vet that if I could turn it into a person I'd be in jail for murder. No one could believe I said that because I'm not a violent person on any level. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know a little girl that has epilepsy. She was doing so well, and now, all of a sudden everything stopped working. This disease doesn't get nearly the attention or funding that it should.
I've come to the conclusion, that our epi dogs are so special in so many ways. Beyond what most are. I've had dogs all of my life and I've loved them so much, but Jake is in a class all his own, and so is Molly. I wish there was something I could say that would give you peace, but I know it's going to take a very long time for that to come. We can only hope that someday, someone will find something that these precious dogs can take that will keep seizures to a minimum, with no side effects.
I told our vet about Molly's seizures a couple of weeks ago and she was stunned by your vet, and said she'd pray that Molly has a little guardian angel by her side. I believe she does, because she had one while she was here.

Take Care,
Lynne

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 10:56 am

Hi Vivian,

"but he developed DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulation) which means he bled out" ... this is what happened to us, I wikipedia the "disseminated intravascular coagulation" and admit that 99% of the medical stuff is over my head but it sounds to me like the body "turn's on itself" ... something that can't be foreseen, stopped before it happen's, and has a high morality rate even in the very best human medical care facilities when they know what is happening and how to deal with it ... much less podunk animal care without even the most basic emergency animal care facility ... you've helped to take away all the "what if's" ... thank you

it also explain's the bleeding out without any cuts from anything big, sharp, or jagged ... and why as she lay there limp as a rag doll I thought about what had been posted here I listened to her belly, checked her heartbeat and breathing, I used my hand's to feel, lift, and gently squeeze her inside's like I have seen vet's do and felt absolutely nothing unusual, no lumps, bulges, anything the lest bit solid or different than what it would be if she wasn't sick ...

and yes her temp was way high ... except for her feet which were like lil' ice cube cold ... her body had already shut off the heat to the extremities saving it for the main trunk of her body ... a precursor to imminent death so I knew our time was too short to drive anywhere out of area and have it do any good, that and watching the blood stain growing on the white folded up blanket under her as well as the great effort she was having to even breath a spaced out breath ...

I'm so sorry you had to make the decision you were faced with as it is the most hardest decision of all ... I've had to do that myself twice before but always with the vet's urging and insistence it would be for the best ... that always seemed to help me not feel sooo bad about the decision I made ... I pray I don't ever have to face this horrid disease again as I know it doesn't get any easier the 2nd time around so I feel sooo bad for you having to be going thru this again ...


Hi Lynne,

yup, she was due for another seizure, it was her time to have one so that coming on should have done all kinds of things to her including the pica and/or DIC ...

if this horrid disease was a person I'd join you in jail for the murder rap gladly ... no joyfully ... and with a smile that could never be removed from my face ... :D ... but I always said that they made laws against murder for people like me ... ok, if I could find another job other than dealing with the traveling public who while on vacation with kids acting worse than animals out of their cage's are having a verbal/near physical knock down drag out in the middle of a mini mart or the "entitled" attitude's with a tone and an attitude that say's I'm better than you ... can't tell I just finished "my friday" after a long week of everyone taking extra days off to go see grandma or spending time with family for the holiday's that they started dreading weeks in advance ... :lol: ... not sounding much like an guardian angel, huh ... sleep's been a lil' in short supply

on that note I'll thank y'all again and go see if a handful of Molly's melatonin will help me rest ...

Chris
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:00 pm

Hi everyone,

Molly's regular vet just called to say how sorry she is, she had gotten the message from the other vet that recently joined her practice about my phone call fri. night ... and she had some questions cause the rocks eating and bleeding out don't go together unless the rocks are large and sharp, a blockage doesn't usually cause em to bleed out ... so she wanted to know if there were any mushroom's in the yard, which I told her there had been and she said with the soggy winter we're having that even though I can't find any now that Molly's scratching around, eating dirt, grass and small rocks she could of picked up a mushroom and that would cause instant toxicity that leads to DIC and to the bleeding out in the short time frame that this occurred in ... so after she said that I brought up the DIC suggestion I read here from Vivian and how I thought that was what it was ... guess we have a concensus ... and she told me that in the short amount of time available with this kind of issue there wouldn't have been anything anyone could do to help Molly ...

Chris

p.s. Molly's meds are off and away to The Wally Foundation ... ETA is Tues 1/7
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

MK's mom
Posts: 1708
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:48 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My story ... so far

Post by MK's mom » Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:41 pm

What rotten damned luck for sweet Molly! Everything she has gone thru and a lousy mushroom takes her away? OMG Chris, this just breaks my heart and I know what it must be doing to you!!

DIC can be brought on from poison, fever, snakebite (poison) and a bunch of other things. My MK had blood slosh thru his intestines, but they had him cleaned up by the time I got to the vet to have him put to sleep. He also had lots of red blood draining from his nose, so much that the bottom of the container they had him in for me to bring him home was soaked all underneath him by the next morning. It's so heartbreaking that we lose them after all of our efforts and I think it makes it harder to take because we couldn't save them.

My heart is breaking with yours Chris, please know that you are totally surrounded by people who understand.

Vivian
Nathan
3.5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 7/26/2013
Last seizure 3/24/2014
__________________________________
MK
5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 1/25/06
Last seizure 9/4/2009

Aug 17, 2004- Sept. 22, 2009
May the shamrocks fall softly sweetpea

MK's mom
Posts: 1708
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:48 am
Location: Michigan

Re: My story ... so far

Post by MK's mom » Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:49 pm

Chris,

I meant to explain to you what DIC does to the body, the way it was explained to me. The clotting mechanism in the body is compromised when there's a high fever or toxins and that is what causes them to bleed profusely..out of the body. There is also another saying for DIC...death is coming.
Nathan
3.5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 7/26/2013
Last seizure 3/24/2014
__________________________________
MK
5 yo Irish Setter boy
First seizure 1/25/06
Last seizure 9/4/2009

Aug 17, 2004- Sept. 22, 2009
May the shamrocks fall softly sweetpea

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:59 pm

Hi Vivian,

yes ... but thanks I kinda got the clotting mechanism is broken from the wiki page, that's what I meant by how the body turn's on itself sorry I shoulda said it better but that's the way in which I was looking at how the body turned on itself by not clotting and bleeding out ... and I read all the different organs/area's or combination there of in the body that bleed out ... the vet told me the acronym for DIC ... but it hit soooo close to home that I didnt' post that part in last post ...

after calling the vet friday night and knowing Molly wouldn't make it thru the night I called the ex to forewarn him ... he immediately came here to sit with me and wait for that 'last breath" so I wouldn't have to be alone waiting ... and ... anywayzzz, at some point he asked me about how the other dog is doing(I have a 12 yr old companion beagle/mix dog for my "special bud-dog" so that my Molly would never have to be alone even when I"m working/sleeping) ... I said she's hiding in the bedroom and won't come out into the living room where Molly and I was because her and I both could "smell and feel death" in the living room ... crazzzy sounding I know but I know it was here and just like closing your eye's and feeling the physical presence of a person in the room is about the best I can do to explain it ...

Chris
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

Chris Douglas
Posts: 254
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:50 pm

Re: My story ... so far

Post by Chris Douglas » Mon Dec 30, 2013 8:12 pm

Image


For all of us who have or will have suffered the loss of a beloved family member ... ♥♥♥♥
Chris & Molly
Brittany 27 lbs female DOB Mar.2008,
Pb 32.4 mg(1/2 grain) BID
regular Keppra 2/250mg BID
Valium tab's 5 mg orally/rectally as needed
Melatonin 5mg SID


1st seizure 8/20/12
last seizure 12/14/13

Rainbow Bridge 12/28/13

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