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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:37 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:42 pm
Posts: 806
Location: Oklahoma
Deacon's Mom wrote:
thank you for all the kind words, in a day or two I will respond more.

Right now I'm just wondering if anyone knows if there's a way to donate his unused medicines to those who might be able to use it. I have potassium bromide, phenobarbital, keppra, Valium and a pill for post seizure whose name escapes me.


That's amazing that in your time of grief you're thinking of others. I donated Shiloh's to The Wally Foundation. They give them to people who have a financial need. http://www.thewallyfoundation.com/

I forgot to add in my last post if you'd like to email me, send me a private message and I'll send you my email address.

_________________
Colleen, Rylie, Sophie & angels Izzie & Shiloh
DOB: 11/11/05
First seizure: 07/28//10
Last seizure: 06/27/16


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:23 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2016 9:34 am
Posts: 46
I'm struggling hard with my decision. Everyone keeps telling me I did what was best for him. I come from an extended family of dog people who all feel he didn't have any quality of life at the end and I did what was best for him. I'll probably feel that way in the long run but right I feel so much overwhelming guilt. My sister told my nieces, the older one who is 5 was in love with him. She'd draw pictures for him, bring him special treats all the time and just general they were attached at the hip. When I'm up for it I've been starting to pull together pictures to print off.

Here's my niece and Deacon the first full day we had him.
Image

And one of the most recent pictures I have of them together.
Image


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:42 pm
Posts: 806
Location: Oklahoma
Such a handsome boy!!!! Completely understand about the struggle on whether you made the right decision and the guilt. The thinking of "what if only I had _______" Sometimes the people who are close to us can see what we can't. You're a good mom and you did everything you could of for him. This disease just doesn't cooperate and has a mind of it's own and no matter what you do sometimes, it just doesn't work. That's when we have to put our love for our babies before our selfish desire to keep them with us. I've seen people hang on to dogs who don't have a quality of life because the dog ate a piece of chicken during the day. They couldn't see what the other 23 hours and 55 minutes was for the dog. If your vet is like mine, they would of told you to keep trying and not give up if there was the hope of a recovery that would of given Deacon a good life. Hang in there, it does get a bit easier with the passage of time but our hearts will always have that love for them.

I've sent you a PM with my email but it's sitting in the Outbox, hopefully you'll get it, the forum can be a bit flakey sometimes.

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Colleen, Rylie, Sophie & angels Izzie & Shiloh
DOB: 11/11/05
First seizure: 07/28//10
Last seizure: 06/27/16


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:23 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2016 11:46 pm
Posts: 60
Awww, so beautiful. Thank you for sharing some pics of your beloved Deacon and family. Celebrate his life, it will help you get through this.

I can feel your anguish right through the screen. It is natural for you to feel as you do, and it will take some time. Try not to entertain the could have should have's, it will only keep you in a negative place and worsen your grief and feelings of guilt. Deacon wouldn't want that for you. I know, easier said than done, right? You will go through the process as you will. Everything in its time. You are a good mom. You did the best you could and I hope you will see that when you're ready. Letting go when you think they need you to is the most selfless kind of love. I asked my dog's neuro how I would know when it is time (my dog has Pug Dog encephalitis, which is incurable and a fatal genetic, autoimmune disease.) and she simply said "when medicines no longer work, and when her quality of life is so low that she don't function and/or is no longer able to enjoy life anymore." I believe you made your decision based on that. My dog's neuro also advised "to provide treatment only to what I can afford and felt that our pets understand if we don't have the funds. All they care about is the love. No matter how long they live, dogs live to be well loved". That is what she said. I believe you gave him the best life you could give and Deacon's love for you and yours is never ending. And love is priceless.

ShilohsMom is right about the disease of epilepsy. Regardless of cause, it does what it wants, when it wants, cares nothing for what you or your dog wants. But it will never take the love or the memories of good times.

Be gentle and kind to yourself. It's never easy, but it does get better with time.


Last edited by Lovelight on Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:17 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am
Posts: 918
Such beautiful photographs. It's obvious your niece really loves Deacon. When a dog is so patient to allow children to come into their space and be kind and gentle that says something about them.

I know it's been said several times already, but you did everything you could do for him. One of the most cruel things about epilepsy is the unknown. You don't know what will work (or not). You never know when a seizure is coming. You never know if your baby is clustering if they will come out of it. You just hold your breath and pray. The thing is Deacon's seizures wouldn't stop, and brain damage was a real threat. You were selfless enough to put him first, as you always have. He was obviously a very happy dog because of the family you made him a part of.
When I first met our vet she told me this is the disease that keeps her up at night. We all know why.
You've been in my thoughts all week and I truly hope that one day you will find peace with this, but until then know we're here for you.
Get angry when you need to. Please don't blame yourself. Blame this stupid disease.

Lynne


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 4:42 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:43 pm
Posts: 7
Deacon's Mom,

So sorry to hear about your loss. I know it is hard. He knew you loved him and did what was best for him.

Heidi
Flash'sMom


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 10:10 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:42 pm
Posts: 806
Location: Oklahoma
Deacon's Mom,

The PM's I sent still haven't gone out and are sitting in the Outbox. Not sure if they approve them before they're sent but I'm tired of waiting. I'm writing out my email incase they have something that prohibits posting it: and here's my Facebook page if email doesn't work or you want to get a hold of me that way

*** edited out my info, looks like the PM's finally went through.

_________________
Colleen, Rylie, Sophie & angels Izzie & Shiloh
DOB: 11/11/05
First seizure: 07/28//10
Last seizure: 06/27/16


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2017 1:50 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2016 9:34 am
Posts: 46
Thought I'd come on here and say hi. About a month and a half after putting Deacon down I'm still struggling. I wake up sometimes and the pain is still there. I feel that pain in my chest. I'm hoping at some point it starts being easier but right now its still pretty hard.

I got into work today and found out my co-worker's beloved dog had a seizure over the weekend and never recovered. No prior history or episodes. I know the heart break she is feeling about the loss of her dog. I am glad she was spared from having to make the decision herself as nature did it for her. Seizures suck and I'm still angry about them for me and everyone else.

Hopefully I'll get back on more now and offer some support to others who are starting the journey with their dogs, I know the advice on here helped me a lot. Hope everyone who has reached out is well and their pups are staying as seizure free as possible.


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2017 4:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:52 am
Posts: 918
I'm glad that you came back. You've given support to so many people.
I can't imagine what you're going through, but I hope you know that we're still here for you.
I know one day I'll be facing what you're facing, and I can only hope I'll have the courage to do what you're doing.

I hope with time you'll start to feel better.
Take Care,
Lynne


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:09 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:42 pm
Posts: 806
Location: Oklahoma
I'm so glad to hear from you and know how hard this is. I've been wondering how you've been doing and hope you were able to get my PM's with my email in it. Not sure why they take so long to get sent. I'm still here if you'd like to connect. Think about you often and it will get better. Maybe not today or tomorrow but at some point it hurts a little less. It takes time, how much? There isn't a time limit, however much you need. Please don't be surprised if you think you've got it all under control and then something sparks a reaction and you feel like it's still fresh. Think this is normal and speaks to the love we have with our furbabies. It does get easier, hang in there.

_________________
Colleen, Rylie, Sophie & angels Izzie & Shiloh
DOB: 11/11/05
First seizure: 07/28//10
Last seizure: 06/27/16


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 Post subject: Re: Going in reverse
PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 9:00 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2016 11:46 pm
Posts: 60
I was thinking about you also. I was hoping you'd return to tell us how you're doing. I find it beautiful that you find the strength and courage to be supportive to others despite your sorrow and pain. You're a beautiful person and an inspiration to others.

Grief is one of the most difficult emotions and situations; I think because there is so much change and emotion all at once and it persists because that change is permanent (which your conscious is fully cognizant). That in turn causes more layers of emotions and it has stages with those layers, so it seems never ending. And that is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. Grief is like an iceberg. More underneath than in sight, but eventually, as waters warm, it melts into the ocean. (But there is a lot of love in there). The grieving process is different for everyone, but the stages are the same. Sometimes you bounce back and forth between for a while, and that is normal too. It's perfectly normal to be angry at the seizures, at medicine itself and with people around you (including yourself). So, be kind to yourself as you work it out. Everything in its time.

So very sorry to hear about your co-worker's dog. I'm in tears just reading your words. You will find at times there will be reminders that will test your heart and soul. But someday, you will see, it does get better and your tears will be of missing him, and being so thankful for whatever time you had with him. The love stays in and with you, that never goes away, and that is what carries us. Remember, losing a fur-baby is pretty much akin to losing a child (one being inflicted with an incurable illness at that), so another reason to be kind to yourself.

You've got caring people here for you when you need someone to talk and share.

:)
~Light


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